Let me explain…

A few weeks ago I was asked by my wife to help my mother-in-law move that last day of November.  Here is how I responded… and I quote (myself)…

“Ugh… really!?” “Does she have anyone else helping!?”

To which my wife responds, “I don’t know?”

“Really?  You don’t know?”

Immediately I start asking about potential movers that could/possibly should be helping us, and I will put other names in for their sake.

“What about John? What about Josh? Where is Jacob?  Why can’t he come?”

“Really?  He can’t break away for a few hours to help!?”

.

.

Now gentlemen… you would think that I would have stopped there… but I didn’t.  That was just upon the initial mention that we would need to help her move.  I proceeded to act as follows…

(A couple of days later)(Speaking to my wife again)

“Did you talk to Jane?”

“Is Jacob going to be able to break away and help?”  “I don’t know if he can?” She responds. “He has an important test to study for.”

So I say, “So I’m going to be the only guy?” “Great…”

.

.

(A couple more days later)

“Hey, did you ever talk to Jane?  Can Jacob come or am I going to be the only guy there with you and your mom?”

To which she responds, “I haven’t verified for sure, but I don’t think he can. He has to take a big test this weekend that could determine their lives.”

“So he can’t break away for a few hours to help!?” “Ugh…”

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.

Now… you think that I would have stopped there.  Nope, I didn’t.  I proceeded to ask these same questions over and over and over again, until she probably wanted to slit my throat.

To my credit, let’s get something straight.  NO ONE likes moving.  People like even less, helping other people move.  It’s a big commitment in any relationship. I don’t care if it’s your parents that need help, siblings, best friend, lover, brother from another mother or any other person you unfortunately are tied to that is asking you to help move.  NO ONE likes moving.

Now that I got that off my chest, let me say this; I will do anything for anyone.  I will even more so, do anything for my family.  That includes the new family that I inherited a few months ago.

It was all about the way I went about it ladies and gentlemen.  Instead of faking it (because NO ONE likes to help move) and being gracious and “happy” to help, I nagged and questioned the whole operation.  I was relentless ladies and gentlemen, like your kids asking “Are we there yet?” relentless when you’re on your way to Disneyland.

All I had to do was the following…

Wife: “Hey, we need to help my mom move the last day of the month. Is that ok?”

Me: “Sure honey.  Whatever I can do to help”

Me: “Is there anyone else that will be helping us?”

Wife: “Not that I know of. So and so will be out-of-town, and so and so has a big test that week.”

Me: “Ok, well we’ll do what we can.  Maybe I can find some people who are willing to help and we can make them dinner or something for helping.”

Wife: “Yeah, let me know. Thanks!”

End of story ladies and gentlemen.  End of story.  I could have left it at that.  I could have tried to find some people to help and if no one could, just done it out of love (which I ended up doing by the way).  I helped out of love for my wife and new family, but the way I went about it was all wrong and made it seem like I was doing it out of spite or as not to get in trouble by my wife.

Long story short ladies and gentlemen… sometimes we have to fake it to make it.  No I did not want to help move.  I don’t ever even want to move myself, let alone help someone else do so.  But the moral of the story here is that while I didn’t want to help move, I could have just kept that to myself and done it out of love.  I did end up doing it, but to the outside world (my wife), my intentions were not in the right place.  I should have made it seem like I would do anything for anyone, because truly I would, especially for her.  Instead what I did was question and nag and make it seem like the worst hassle in the world.

So to my wife, I truly am sorry.  I hope that you know that I would do anything for you and for your family.  I do not care what the request is, I will always be there for the people closest to me.  The way that I went about the whole situation was wrong and I was pretty heartless about it.

Ladies and gentlemen, sometimes THOU SHALT NEED TO FAKE IT UNTIL THOU MAKEST IT.  Or maybe… just start doing things out of love for those closest to you instead.  That’s what a real man would do.

Melodie Beattie wrote of gratitude’s miraculous power:

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, and confusion into clarity. … It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

On this day of Thanksgiving I am grateful.

Grateful for a family, both my new little family and the old that has shown me what it really means to unlock the fulness of life.  Grateful for friends that mold me into the person that I am.

Grateful to work for a company that allows me to have more than enough and is willing to give me opportunity for more.  Where I can go to work each day and not have to worry if I still have a job.

Grateful to my wife who helped me deny my old life and accept the new.  For bringing chaos in the form of a four-year-old gentleman in training to my life of order.

Grateful for problems big and small in my life that help me realize all of the gifts that I have been given.

Grateful for failures

Grateful for successes

For the perfect timing

For the unexpected

Grateful for my past that has led me to where I am today.

Grateful to have a vision for tomorrow and the steps that we’ll take.

On this Thanksgiving I am grateful.

Be grateful for everything that you have, for tomorrow you may not have it.

Tell your loved ones what they mean to you, for tomorrow you may not be able to.

Bring peace for today and continue it tomorrow and throughout the year.

Thanksgiving shouldn’t be limited to one day, it should be shown to all around you in every thought, act, deed, and everything you say.

On this Thanksgiving I am grateful.

“Layers Gentlemen… Layers.” Stole part of that line from Cosmo Kramer… “Levels Jerry…. levels.” Ha ha. Seinfeld… love that show.

Layering can be a great way to combine some of your favorite items while still feeling comfortable and flexible and really showing off your sense of style. The idea of layering is actually very practical in these cold Utah months we are beginning to enter. You can add-on an extra layer in the morning when it’s still chilly outside, remove it in the afternoon once it heats up or while indoors, and then slip it back on when the temperature drops after sunset.

Now… don’t just go throw together any sort of layering that you think will work, there are some guidelines that need to be followed, so as not to look like one of these guys…

Here are some simple rules for layering and how to make it look great and still be comfortable. Some of these I borrowed and some of these are my own personal opinion.

Rule #1 - Thin clothes first - This one should be pretty obvious… no one is going to put on their leather coat first, followed by a sweater and a white cotton t-shirt.

Rule#2 - Each layer should be able to stand alone - A layer is usually something that can be worn on its own and still look good. Wearing a wife beater, under a t-shirt, under a dress shirt is not considered layering.

Rule #3 - Layers are casual - Layering is usually best used in a casual setting, not formal. Keep in mind however, that you can count a nice blazer and fitted dress shirt as layers.

Rule #4 - Layers should be comfy - There is no reason to ever look good and feel terrible. Dressing nice should make you feel like a million bucks, not like your stuck in a sumo suit about to throw down with your bff. A good rule to keep in mind is that if you can’t touch your sides or scratch your ear, your layer combo is too thick and not stylin’.

Rule #5 - Colorize - Most people think that in the winter months you have to stick to the depressing colors (especially in Utah), brown, black, navy, gray, etc… Don’t be afraid to throw in some color, it’s not just for summer. Try some military or lime green, some purples, etc…

Rule #6 - Hold the patterns - Be careful about combining too many bold patterns when layering. Usually a garment like a sweater holds a pretty good pattern, unless it’s a solid obviously. Don’t pair it then with a bold patterned dress shirt or jacket. Keep the top or bottom layer a little more solid. Stick to a 1:1 ratio, one pattern:one solid to play it on the safe side if you aren’t that confident in layering.

The best thing about layering is that it can really make an old wardrobe seem new. Throw an old shirt with a new jacket and you’ll be surprised at how new it feels. When the jacket gets older, throw it with a newer shirt and tie and see how renewed that jacket feels.

Layers gentlemen… layers…

Look like the Vintage Modern picture above and you’ll feel like a million bucks. I promise that your wife, girlfriend, significant other or really just women in general… will not be able to keep their eyes off you. Or hands. Or bodies. Or… I’ll just stop there.

- Martin Luther King Jr.

What exactly has happened over the last 30 years or so?  Not too long ago, the average mid-twenty something man in the U.S. had achieved most, if not all of the major milestones of adulthood.  High school degree at a minimum (that’s all you really needed back then), financial independence, marriage, children and even a home.

These days men at this age are completely content remaining in this limbo state between semi-adolescence and semi-self-reliance.  Granted… to our credit… we are up against a much more difficult situation currently.  It’s a terrible economy, you can’t survive anymore with just a high school education, college is increasingly expensive and most cannot afford to purchase a home by themselves.  On top of that, it is incredibly expensive to get married (trust me, I know… I just got married myself) and kids these days they say cost roughly $300,000 dollars each to raise on average.

There men… I have given you some ‘credit’ before I finish the rest of this article…

Let me repeat what Dr. King said, “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”  So I now ask…where are all of these men now?

Don’t get me wrong… I was one of ‘those’ men of sorts for a while.  Not to the extent of some, but I’ve recently changed my ways. I’ve married, married into a son, and am currently building a house.  So I was one of ‘those’ men for a time, just want to call that out.  I still need some change myself.

Onward! It seems to me that the pendulum has swung…in ways it’s good… but I believe it’s mostly bad.  Women in their twenties are now increasingly overachieving in school, college, female-friendly workplaces and the list goes on.  On top of that, many of them still find the time to have leisurely activities such as shopping, travelling, buying their own homes, dinners with friends, etc… etc..

Again… please don’t get me wrong… I think all of this is great!  Good for you women… great for this world… bad for us men.

In contrast the men in their twenties are now increasingly underachieving in almost all facets of life.  Many are underachieving or not even going to school or college, content to take jobs to support their single lives so long as they have the basics.  We are increasingly just hanging out with friends, drinking our lives away, hooking up with women as possible and playing video games and watching sports the rest of the time.

I read a statistic the other day that in 1970, 69% of 25-year-old and 85% of 30-year-old white men were married.  In 2000 on the other hand, 33% of 25-year-olds and 58% of 30-year-olds were legally married. Granted the life expectancy has gone up nearly ten years in this time also, but that is besides the fact.  Women could argue that maybe the life expectancy has gone up but the age limits of safe child-birth have stayed nearly the same.  My point is… 30 is the new 20 for men in their eyes, but 30 is not the new 20 for women.  To women, 30 means that the time they have to create offspring is nearing its end.

Sidetrack… sorry.  Now if Dr. King’s statement rings true, then our measure as men has decreased significantly.  No doubt that we are in times of great challenge and times of even greater controversy.  It is not easy to be a man and head of household these days.  But why are we not rising to the occasion and being great in measure at these difficult times?

It’s a lot easier being single, I know, trust me.  It’s definitely more convenient to go to work, have a place to yourself, play video games and answer to no one; but this will never make us great men.  Looking back, a man will never be defined by how tall his Mt. Dew can pyramid was or what his player ranking was on an XBox game.

Men will be and should be defined by where they stand in these moments of challenge that we live in.  Men will be and should be defined by the legacy they leave, the family they upbring, the people they serve and the change for the good that they bring to their little part of the world.

Men… friends, husbands, brothers, dads… let us be these men.  Get up, turn off the XBox and get educated.  Ditch the bachelor pad full of friends and start a home filled with all of the hopes of the future.  Abandon the single life and find a companion that will make you a better man, provider, head of household and contributor to society.  Think of all the great things this world is missing out on because we have become comfortable and complacent.  Let’s be the men that women want, and the world needs.  Not afraid to be a husband that cleans the house or fixes the dinner.  Not afraid to raise a child and help mold their future.  Not afraid to excel in our jobs or get a job that may require more work or that isn’t as ‘fun’, but that will allow us to create a better future.  Not afraid to be the men we should be and not afraid to forge new paths and create a better future for our generations to come.  It starts with you… if you don’t do it… who will?

I truly believe that a man is measured and defined at the moments that are most difficult, filled with challenge, when we might even feel like we’re backed into a corner that we can not get out of.  We all will reach that point in our lives and those that fight their way out of that corner will be those that institute change, who forge ahead and who leave legacy’s that will never be forgotten.

Let’s be better men, let’s live up to our measure and define ourselves by the challenges we meet.  We CAN do it… all we have to do is choose to do it.  Women that are looking for someone, are looking for these types of men.  They are not looking for the top ranked Halo player… they are looking for a man to stand by their side and to lift them when down.  They are looking for a man who will ask them out, take them on dates, show them off to the world and not be afraid to commit.  They are looking for a man who is not afraid to remind them that they care, both in word and in act.  They are looking for a friend and a partner, a listening ear and a confidant.  They are looking for a MAN.

Gentlemen… let us be these types of men. It’s starts with you and me. We will never know more happiness. Let us measure up to be the ultimate man who each of us can be.  Each circumstance is different, but each goal should be the same.

Which is why I am now posting my 2nd ManMandment…

THOU SHALT NOT CALL THY OL’ LADY… OL’ LADY

It was brought to my attention actually by my Mother… which consequently is the main meaning of the phrase “Ol’ Lady”.  In Ireland, many actually know their mothers as Ol’ Lady.  So thank you for bringing this to my attention “Ol’ Lady”… I mean Mom.

In the United States it is not customary to call your wife or significant other “Ol’ Lady”.  Even though there are alternate definitions of this phrase being a term for wife, mother or live in.

Regardless to say… I shalt not be calling my “Ol’ Lady”… “Ol’ Lady”… again.

Many women nowadays view this term as a derogatory term for women. I don’t necessarily view it that way, I think it’s just a funny pet name.  Either way, because I have been corrected by my “Ol’ lady” (Irish for Mom) to not call my “Ol’ Lady” (Me-ism for Wife) that anymore, I will not be doing so.

Those gentlemen/children in the U.S. should probably follow suit, especially if your significant other does not particularly care for the name.  Those in Ireland… I’m sure you’ll be in trouble with the rest of us for it sooner or later.

I solemnly swear…. before God and these witnesses… that I will not be using the term “Ol’ Lady” again to refer to my beautiful, young, full of life… wife. #forgiveme?

Anyway, I came back to my desk after not being there for a few days to find that my stapler was gone.  After the initial laugh, because I was reminded of a great movie, Office Space; I actually got pretty bothered like Milton (main character in the show).  Not because they took my red Swingline, or I took a hit in quality, it was more so that… who in the hell steals a stapler from a co-worker?  Especially when the company would have purchased them a new one if they asked.

Needless to say… I wrote a quick little ditty to express my frustration… should I send it out to the company at large?

As someone took my stapler away…

Full of beautiful technological ways

iPods and iPads

Androids and Fires

So many ways to feed tech desires

The information just continues to flow

From each dark starry night to bright morning glow

The trouble with constant information streaming is this

#PDA @SocialMedia exists

I do not care how much you love and adore

How much you missed them the day before

I do not care that they are sexy and clever

I do not care that you’re better than ever

I do not want to hear that your love is so pure

How you feel so safe and secure

I do not care that they brighten your life

I do not care for you husband and wife

While I’m at it I might as well say…

A few more things that ruin every one’s day…

No more gushy posts about dogs

Not another word about prince charming and frogs

No one cares who loves who most

So please don’t argue it post after post

I say no more to the X’s and O’s

No more to the constant nauseous posts

I really don’t want to hear one more peep

Not one lousy pin, post or a tweet

If you really love them that much

Then for sure tell them as such

But instead of making it known to the world

Tell them in private and save us the hurls

Message or email

Text them or call

For the love of everything holy

Don’t tell us all

This is my social media plea

I’m hoping that one… maybe ALL will see

Let’s put an end to this over the top

#PDA@SocialMedia.STOP

So what this joke has been is that many of my friends would tell me constantly what a “great wife I am going to make someday”.  The times they would say this are the times when they saw the true neat freak come out in me, the gourmet chef, the good advisor, etc…

We’ll start this off with the neat freak in me.  I am incredibly clean person, I call myself partially OCD.  I wouldn’t say that I am full-fledged OCD, because you won’t find me washing my hands 30 times a day and scrubbing them for 10 minutes at a time to make sure I get the dirty top layer of skin off, but I am neat.

I don’t like dust.

I don’t like clutter.

If you can’t see the carpet then you either need to get them cleaned or pick up your damn mess.

I don’t like leaving any sort of place feeling dirtier than when I entered. Period.

I clean the house at least once a week, top to bottom, no matter what.  All toilets, all bathrooms, all bedrooms, everything.  Kitchen tends to keep clean if you clean it after each use then deep clean every once in a while.

I hate messy cars, I spend a lot of time in there and don’t want to be surrounded by dust and garbage.

Etc… Etc… Anyway… I’ll get off my dust-free soapbox now.

So pretty much I would just always get crap for things like being really clean, knowing how to clean in the first place, being a good cook, paying attention to detail… you know… all of the little things that women tend to despise about men.

Long story short… this joke is now going to be turned into a blog post series.  The series will be called ‘The HusbandWife’.  This series will be all about what has been previously stated great cleaning tips, cooking, paying attention to the small stuff, etc…

For the first installment, I am just going to share something very simple… for the guys. “The Wipe”

All of us know that men are from mars and we’re trying to Survive On Venus, so given the fact that we are how we are… we use the restroom standing up.  Now… unless you are one of the few people who have a urinal in their bathroom at home or one of the unfortunately not quite as few men who have been instructed/ordered/degraded to do your business sitting down.. there is something that we’ll call the “splash effect”.  When men use the restroom standing up, there is some natural splashing that occurs as I’m sure many of you know.

So here is what you do gentlemen… or ladies… here is what you should train your men to do for you.  After using the restroom, Number 1, as I taught my little man this weekend; just grab some toilet paper or better yet some disinfecting wipes kept under the sink and wipe around the top and inside of the rim and anywhere else where the manly “splash effect” has happened to fall.  You’ll be surprised at how much cleaner this keeps your toilet looking, and it is a 3 second thing.  If you leave it, often times dust or hair can collect as it sticks to the “splash”, which makes for a pretty disgusting looking toilet pretty damn quick.

“The Wipe” ladies and gentlemen is a small detail that can quickly have a large impact on the cleanliness of the bathroom.  Especially for those that only have time to clean it maybe once a week or so.

As I proceeded down the sidewalk today I learned a valuable man lesson which spawns the all new series ‘The ManMandments’ on Survive on Venus.

THOU SHALT WALK WITH THY SIGNIFICANT OTHER… (even if she is slower than the recovering economy)

So here is how it went down early this afternoon… It was a particularly nice day for mid-November in South Jordan, Utah. When I say it was nice I mean that it rained/snowed all morning and was absolutely butt a$$ cold outside until we went on our walk, then the rain/snow stopped. So…we walk out the front door of the house and the little man and I just proceed down the driveway like usual.  We get across the street and I look back and I see the ol’ lady has only made it half way down the driveway.

Granted… to her credit she was walking in towering heels (which I love by the way…very sexy), you know, the ones that are going to make me rich one day when she strikes oil walking down the South Jordan Parkway.

Anyway, I just kept walking with the little man down the sidewalk.  Right as we are about to round the corner at the end of our road… i hear it… my name.  It wasn’t just my name though, it was my name said at just the right pitch.  You know the pitch that I’m talking about gentlemen… it was the pitch right between a lady in distress and a lady in sheer and utter disgust.  You’ve all heard it…

Now… usually when a guy hear’s that tone of voice, he would probably stop and realize what he’s done…

This particular day…this genius… kept on walking.  By the time we hit the next corner I look back and she is WAY back there.  When I look back there I can only make out one thing, besides how good she looks dressed up (forgive me?)… the look.

Every man knows the look when he see’s it and every woman’s is a little bit different.  I know the look in my mother and I now know the look in the ol’ lady.  Needless to say… I finally pulled my head out and realized what i’d done and stopped to wait for her to catch up.  I was in trouble and I knew it, and I got it handed to me right in front of passer’s by, one of which included my father.  So then I got it from him too, which I probably deserved.

When all was said and done, the ol’ lady forgave me and I’m promising now that I learned my lesson.

Lesson learned is now the first ManMandment: THOU SHALT WALK WITH THY SIGNIFICANT OTHER.

This ManMandment is all-encompassing, it isn’t just walking next to her down the street.  It’s taking her by the arm when it’s not safe, holding her hand because you want to, keeping her on the inside so that you are exposed to traffic and other dangers and not her and every other gentlemanly thing you should do when walking next to a lady.

Be-est thou a better man and obeyest thou my ManMandments!

• Why are you so dressed up?
• Do you have a client in the office?
• Do you have a job interview?
• Are you going to a funeral today?

Can’t a guy just look good anymore? Can’t a guy just dress up like they used to when going to work?  What ever happened to those days anyway?  It feels good when you are dressed up, you feel like you’re on top of the world… even if you’re at the bottom of the food chain.  It used to be that a man would get dressed up in a suit everyday to go to work… on top of that… most of the time it was a 3 piece suit! Recognize this guy…?

Thomas Edison… Businessman, Inventor of the phonograph, the light bulb, kinetoscope, movie projectors…etc… etc… This one man holds almost 1,100 patents.

All I am sayin’… is look at that get up!  He went to work everyday knowing damn well how good he looked!

Well I say… here’s to those days anew… but with a modern twist.

Here’s to lookin’ good, feelin’ good and producing more at work.  I am no scientist… but I bet if you found a way to test this out… it would prove that men who dressed up to go to work every day were far more productive than those that didn’t. (In the same occupation of course)

Just wanted to quickly share my first fashion post, after my fashion rant.

Below is a great option for dressing up to go to work.  This could be a suit with matching pants on the bottom or just some dark jeans to make it a little more casual.

Dress up.  Go to work feeling like a million bucks.  Then, have your bosses call me when your productivity goes up 100% because you look that damn good!!